Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
