loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
