My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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