Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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