But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
