her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
