He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
