I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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