i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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