so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
