I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
