Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
