Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
