is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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