it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
