It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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