Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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