dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
