And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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