that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
