My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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