Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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