People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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