Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
