you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
