remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
