So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
