omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
