Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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