I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
