Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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