Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
