Fuck appropriateness.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
