I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
