I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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