is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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