a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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