Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
