I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
