i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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