weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
