So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
