I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
