I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
