Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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