whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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