I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
