i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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