how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
home. puking in laundry basket.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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