This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
