tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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