oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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