My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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