Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
