she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can text with my tongue
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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