Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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