I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
