when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
