I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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