I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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