I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
me + whiskey = a bad person
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
